The Power Of Compliments

We all love a compliment, right? What’s not to love? Most of us can’t help but smile when we receive praise. There’s a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. The effect is rather powerful. I don’t know about you, but I can’t resist sharing a compliment I have received with my family – I’m proud I suppose, and I’m hoping they will be proud of me too. And also relish in the moment, to live the compliment again through someone else. Feel that rush of joy again. Paradoxically, we can forget the specifics of a compliment quite quickly – however, an insult can linger with us for a long, long time. The exact words like little bullets to the heart. Gosh, words do hold so much power, don’t they?!

Receiving a compliment is just as exciting to the brain as receiving cash or romantic attention. Praise and recognition can boost a positive mindset, heighten focus, motivation and leave us feeling on a ‘high’ – alive and alert to life’s possibilities. As a life coach to young people, I assign time to ‘compliment work’ because it can be transformative - neuroscience research shows that compliments can even change the fabric of our brains. Amazing, huh? It’s all to do with dopamine don’t you know. When we receive a compliment, dopamine is released into the brain – the chemical associated with reward and pleasure, making us want to do the activity associated with the reward again and again. Therefore, this is an incredible life skill to cultivate if you care to…. Particularly when you know that giving a compliment can have a similar effect. It’s so easy to give someone a compliment but how often do we actually give them if we are honest? It’s one thing to think a compliment but another to actually be brave enough to speak it out loud.

One way to access this wonderful world of acclamation is to keep a compliment book. I expect you have heard of a gratitude book (which are great too, by the way), but a compliment book is a journal, notebook or pad where you record compliments that you receive, or you have given each day – recommendation: keep it by your bed and write it down just before going to bed so the thought lingers with you as you settle down to sleep. These good vibes can really aid a restful night’s sleep. Pop the date in your book and record the compliment. When you’ve had a bad day, simply read the compliments back and you may notice your mood shifting. You will get at least a little of that ‘high’ again and again when you read them back. Having kept a compliment book for over 2 years now, I can’t stress how lovely it is – I would have forgotten most of them if I hadn’t kept a log, that’s for sure. You may be worried – what if I don’t receive any compliments to note down? Well, one discovery that I have made with keeping the book is that just by bringing your awareness to compliments on a daily basis, you notice the way people speak to you more. Sometimes we miss kind words or a thoughtful passing comment because we are so often caught up in our own heads and with our own thoughts. This is a really good tool for quietening the endless conveyor belt of worries, just by shifting our focus a little. And often it happens totally organically. Once you have recorded compliments for a few months, this shift from being inside your head to noticing what others say becomes more and more natural. And if you don’t receive a compliment that day – give one to someone else. Or perhaps better, give one to yourself.

It can sometimes be hard to see your own self-worth. We are our own worst self-critics. Believing in yourself can be fraught with obstacles both from the outside world but also in what goes on inside our heads, as a slave to our own thoughts. Regular compliment recording can help us to value ourselves more, and accept we are unique and well, amazing. Just look at the evidence in your compliment book!

Finally, a little side note for you on words that criticise yourself and others: when you criticise someone, it gives their brain an adverse reaction. We are more likely to become stressed and anxious (cortisol is released into the brain) and it is more likely that we will shy away, worry or doubt ourselves as a result of the criticism. Food for thought I’d say. Language and the way we use it towards ourselves and others can have such a powerful effect - for me, I want to be on the positive side of the fence, so I'm ending on a compliment.....

Thank you for reading this blog - you are awesome and unique just the way you are. Boom!