Anyone for a hug?

At this moment, we are being conditioned to avoid all social and physical interaction with each other. This is necessary to ensure the safety of as many people as possible. The media aggressively warns us about the dangers of social activity and platforms like Facebook buoy up a culture of finger pointing and blame. Prior to this crisis, we were already a society slipping away from face to face (physical) interaction, but now, we are actively being habituated to touch and physically interact as little as possible.

Going on our daily walks, I am strangely aware of a calmness around me when, as a family, we seem utterly alone in the world. It’s always a joy to walk into a space and find its yours completely – I used to feel this way a lot about children’s soft play areas!! However, subconsciously I react warily when I see someone approaching us now. This weariness has been building up over the past week because as soon as most people spot us, they cross the road immediately, keep their heads down to avoid all possible communication (as they have been warned to do). I worry about what my 6-year-old daughter thinks of these reactions and how, over time, they might start to become second nature. My husband is determined to break the etiquette of silent, no eye contact (2 metre apart) passing’s in the street. He joyfully says hello and how are you to everyone. The response is varied. Some say nothing, others match his enthusiasm. But many people walk with their heads down, not looking up and expressing subtle but clearly fearful body language.

This fear will eventually end up changing the way we interact with each other. In particular for children. If the current situation lasts for long enough, we will be unknowingly teaching our children that talking and interacting with other people is risky. What will this end up doing to a generation of future adults? And also, the freedom of touch. Before this, we freely hugged each other. Hugs are a beautiful expression of reassurance, to show love and affection. They are a natural antidepressant. Long and meaningful hugs release serotonin which makes us feel happy. Hand holding too, is a wonderful way to express human connection. But as we are more and more conditioned to stay apart, not to touch, we could revert more and more into ourselves and start to forget about the life changing benefits of physical communication. Look at the way teenagers already revert into themselves through the use of their phones – currently their only means of communicating with the outside world – and how ‘uncool’ it is for their parents to hug them (hopefully this is an extreme generalisation and you have a teenager who still loves to hug you). As children get older, they become less inclined to interact physically with their parents or family. But right now, their family are the only people many of them have physical access to.

In our family, we have family hugs which we offer to each other randomly as often as possible. But we sometimes forget to do this. We need to make good choices in isolation. We need to connect as much as possible, and not just through electronics. If we are in isolation alone, we can still promote the quality of touch through self-massage (massage your own feet, its fab!), through physical activities like yoga, through brushing your own skin in the shower, through self-hugs even (wrap your arms around yourself!).

There are so many things we are missing in lockdown. Physical interaction is, of course, just one cog in the wheel. However, it is a cog we can still advocate at home. For ourselves, for our family, our children. When lockdown ends, and we are able to venture back into the world; when we can start meeting friends again, attend social gatherings, go to activities and starting up our jobs and businesses again, we must look up from the ground. When it is safe to do so, we must not hold onto our fears about touch. I am secretly hoping that people might start putting their phones away in frustration – having had enough of them – and starting a rebirth in the form of physical connectivity. As my husband says, he will do his bit by wearing a sign saying ‘Free hugs’. Oh, I love him ;-)

Ultimately this is about good mental health. About reducing stress and anxiety. Human connection is proven to be a stress buster and a reliever of anxiety. Let’s make the right choices. This shouldn’t be a time to withdraw into ourselves. I hope we can all reflect on what’s most important to us and come out of this, improved and more connected.