Conquer fear and have your best life

I went to the spa yesterday with a very close friend and conversation over afternoon tea took a turn towards the subject of fear. My darling friend is one of the bravest people I know. Her bravery, or more specifically, her ability to know and face her fears has resulted in a life full of adventure and achievement to date. From humble beginnings, her personal and professional development is impressive. During our spa day, she told me about a TED talk with Geoff Thompson who talks about conquering fear. Not only had she watched it, she knows intuitively that fear stunts fulfilment and potential. So she hasn’t let it get in her way. She has overcome her fears and whilst doing this, recognised that fear is only in our minds. Don’t get me wrong, fear is real, but I mean healthy fear. For instance, if you are standing on a high ledge, healthy fear guides you to take a step back. But illogical fear – the what if’s – that govern so many of our lives and prevent us from stepping out of our comfort zones and living a full, fantastic life is only created in our minds. It’s not real. They are hypothetical.

Today I reflected on this idea of fear. After watching another Geoff Thompson video, I felt secure in the knowledge that fear hasn’t controlled my life. But then I made a cup of tea. I’m not sure what actually happened, but it was like I had opened a box at the very back of a cupboard you never go in to. Suddenly, a history of past decisions and events in my life rolled like a film in front of me, and I realised how blind sited I had been. Fear has always been a huge part of my life, without me realising.

In my mid-thirties now, I feel I am only just beginning to fully understand myself. Through my pursuit of self-care and self-love, I have more compassion and understanding, but sometimes more importantly, awareness. Awareness of myself, why I do what I do, why I make the decisions that I do, and seeing the why in other people too. But it wasn’t until today that I saw a past, largely focused around fear. Growing up, I was fearful of speaking to my family about my real dad (who I didn’t see again until I was 20, and now don’t see at all). Much of my adolescence was spent obsessing about my real father and yearning to know where I came from. Then, the fear of leaving a long-term relationship which was absolutely not right for me. From 18 to 27, I lived a solitary existence as I was too afraid to leave. During this time, I gave up my acting career and lost contact with nearly all of my friends. Still to this day, I have nightmares about this time, and I have to check my daytime fears as my daydreams often spiral back to this. Fear has been a companion in my life without a doubt, but I never consciously admitted this or even realised this. Without fear, I would have made different choices. If bravery had conquered fear, then things might be very different for me now. However, I don’t regret this, as I might never have met by husband or had my daughter had bravery led me down another path. And I feel greater self-worth now because of my past fear. I know what it feels like. I know how it took control of my life, so I know I must conquer it to fulfil all my future dreams and goals.

I have many dreams and goals for the future, and I see now how many of them have taken such a long time to achieve (or still in the process of being achieved) only because I have held myself back. When there has been a doubt or a worry, I have not always pursued it with the passion, determination and bravery that I could have. From now I vow to be brave. I will be aware when the fear starts to take hold, in whatever shape or form it tries to disguise itself in. I will look it in the face, and I will win, because my wants and desires are real. My fears are not.